abstinence programs - which haven't worked to stop STDs, teen pregnancy, or even abstinence from sexual activity - will magically protect women from cancer.

Sure. When the Tooth Fairy and the Wizard of Oz play beach volleyball against Peter Pan and Cinderella's Fairy Godmother.

Abstinence propaganda programs are ineffective because they work against human nature. I have no problem with teaching the fact that abstinence (and masturbation) is a guaranteed method of preventing STDs, but it must be done in conjunction with honest, factual teaching about both birth and disease control methods that are available in case people want to get together.

And let's not even get started about emergency contraception (rassenfrassen )*(&%^*% FDA...)