Top 5 Fictional Characters Who Need to Be Punched in the Face

[neadods]

I don't think minervacat intended to start a meme, but comments from her post on "Top 5 fictional characters who need a punch in the face" are galloping along. Only one's hit metaquotes so far, but there's a lot of good stuff there.

So... who do YOU think needs one in the face (or in the 'nads, some of 'em)?

1 - Most of the cast of Gilmore Girls. A lot of the comments are singling out Jess, and yeah, it would be really satisfying to hear the squish as Mr. "I'm more cool & angsty than Holden Caulfield" gets run over by a car. But that doesn't mean that Rory doesn't deserve it for throwing her bright future away every chance she gets. Or Lorelai with her "I'm too sexy for everything, isn't my fast-talking, name-dropping snobbery cute?" attitude. Or Dean "I'll screw around on my wife and then blame my lover for my wife finding out." Or Taylor and Kirk for existing.

2 - Holden Caulfield. Want to see the biggest phony there is, dear? Look in a mirror. Then grow the fuck up. If you hadn't been the first foul-mouthed angsty teenager to make it to print, you'd have long since sunk into the anonymity you deserve.

3 - Heathcliff. You need Prozac. Lots and lots and lots of Prozac, followed by decades of therapy.

4 - Carrie Meeber. You're so stupid I'm surprised your brain has enough power to keep your lungs working. Undine Spragg kicks your literary ass.

5 - King Lear. Talk about stupid! If that's your idea of leading a country, you deserved to have your family turn on you and your land invaded. If you want unconditional fawning love, get a damn dog.

Comments

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Did you mope the whole time about how you'd get so much done if you didn't keep screwing yourself up and consider yourself superior to everyone you met?

Carrie Meeber's the title character of Sister Carrie. Undine Spragg is the heroine of The Custom of the Country, which I've always argued is the same book only with an intelligent heroine.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

Did you mope the whole time about how you'd get so much done if you didn't keep screwing yourself up and consider yourself superior to everyone you met?

I tried, but it was too much work, and instead I decided to be cheery and buy sock yarn. =) I did consider myself to be superior to one moron in a yarn shop, though, so at least I tried.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Hee!

I think the big deal about Holden was that he was the first literary angsty teenager. Since one can then argue that shows like One Tree Hill and Smallville are Salinger's fault because of this, I'm not sure it was worth the groundbreaking.

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Undine Spragg is the heroine of The Custom of the Country,

THANK you. I read that for a course in college (in which, IIRC, my comment to the prof was "Wow, she makes Scarlett O'Hara look like an amateur, doesn't she?"). For the longest time I had it in my head that it was The Portrait of a Lady, which I read in the same course, only it wasn't. (In my slight defense, I think I had about four total days my senior year of college on which I wasn't on antibiotics. Stooopid sinuses.) So when that movie came out, I was terribly confused that it wasn't what I thought it was.

But I never have gotten around to looking up what Undine Spragg was from. I did remember her name, and how she came by it...

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Portrait of a Lady? Undine was no lady!

I love Custom of the Country, it's my favorite Wharton novel. I'm stunned it hasn't been a movie, because it's so jucily nasty.

But if you look at it, it has many of the same tropes as Sister Carrie. The climbing. The young poor aristocrat ruined. The theft and flight. The suicide. Her occasional setbacks. (Even with the war, she does make Scarlett look like an amateur, you're right!)

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Portrait of a Lady? Undine was no lady!

Well, no, I was thinking of it as ironic.

Did I mention senior year = big blur? I should really read both books again...