Top 5 Fictional Characters Who Need to Be Punched in the Face

[neadods]

I don't think minervacat intended to start a meme, but comments from her post on "Top 5 fictional characters who need a punch in the face" are galloping along. Only one's hit metaquotes so far, but there's a lot of good stuff there.

So... who do YOU think needs one in the face (or in the 'nads, some of 'em)?

1 - Most of the cast of Gilmore Girls. A lot of the comments are singling out Jess, and yeah, it would be really satisfying to hear the squish as Mr. "I'm more cool & angsty than Holden Caulfield" gets run over by a car. But that doesn't mean that Rory doesn't deserve it for throwing her bright future away every chance she gets. Or Lorelai with her "I'm too sexy for everything, isn't my fast-talking, name-dropping snobbery cute?" attitude. Or Dean "I'll screw around on my wife and then blame my lover for my wife finding out." Or Taylor and Kirk for existing.

2 - Holden Caulfield. Want to see the biggest phony there is, dear? Look in a mirror. Then grow the fuck up. If you hadn't been the first foul-mouthed angsty teenager to make it to print, you'd have long since sunk into the anonymity you deserve.

3 - Heathcliff. You need Prozac. Lots and lots and lots of Prozac, followed by decades of therapy.

4 - Carrie Meeber. You're so stupid I'm surprised your brain has enough power to keep your lungs working. Undine Spragg kicks your literary ass.

5 - King Lear. Talk about stupid! If that's your idea of leading a country, you deserved to have your family turn on you and your land invaded. If you want unconditional fawning love, get a damn dog.

Comments

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

OMG Love! This meme is awesome. I'm totally with you on all but 4 and only because I don't know who that is.

Re: Holden . . . I HATED that book in high school and never got what the big deal was. Holden is an asshole who wanders around NYC for a while. End of story. WTF? I did that last weekend and didn't feel the need to write a book about it. I hope I wasn't an asshole, though =)

[vampry.livejournal.com]

Josh Lyman on "West Wing" needs his a** kicked, not just a fist in the face. He's blind and stupid and too focussed on the big picture so that he misses the little stuff.

And Clark Kent - Smallville? If I wouldn't break my hand, he needs to GET A CLUE about Lana for crying out loud. Sheesh.

Not sure who else at the moment.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

My list:

1. Holden. Die, you self-involved, shallow little whiner!

2. Ethan Frome: yeah, life is tough. Grow a pair. Either stop going "woe is me" or do something about it. Ugh.

3. Jackie on Veronica Mars. I hate your whiny little voice and your whiny little personality and just die already.

4. The hero and the heroine of "Sundial in the Grave" you are pervs, but you manage turn into that into BORING. Not to mention foul-mouthed, self-absorbed, moronic twits. Wow.

5. The two guys from "Y Tu Mama Tambien." I. Don't. Care. About. Your. Stupid. Horny. Problems. Watching the two of you interact makes me want to poke my own eyes out. Hate. Hate hate hate hate.

You know, this is therapeutic.

[jennetj.livejournal.com]

Amen on Lear. But seriously, none of the daughters are any great shakes either, and lets not talk about the sons-in-law--or Gloucester and his two adoring sons (this is one of those idiot plots-there'd be no plot unless everyone was an idiot).

Leontes in Winter's Tale is a moron, too (slap, slap!) Hamlet's too self-involved, but to be fair, he has had some rough breaks.

Anakin Skywalker. Oh, shut up already! Life isn't perfect, get over it.

Louis in Interview with the Vampire and Angel. Nothing is more tedious than a whiny vampire.

Freddie Trumper (the American in "Chess"). Slap your inner moppet and get over yourself. You wanna know why Florence left you? Three words: Pity the Child.

Gee, this is fun!

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

#1 with a bullet: Nicholas whatsisface, the protagonist from the "Hope" mil-SF series. Four books, 40 years, a stellar career, and you're still bashing yourself for something you did when you were only 18? Can you say "No character growth whatsogoddamnever"? And let me tell you, if you think brooding teenage angst is bad in a teenager, it's an order of magnitude worse in a 50-year-old man.

Beyond that, as you say, it would take too much time to narrow it down.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

They all need to be punched on Gilmore Girls...except, strangely, Luke. And of course Max Medina, of sainted memory.

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

Sansa from Martin's Song of Ice and Fire. Loathsome little pill.

Mrs Tighe on BSG. Tighe is a problem, but he tries. She's just toxic *and* she deliberately fosters all his weak points.

I often didn't like Buffy very much, even though I love the series.

Goren from CSI Criminal Intent. Skin crawler, skin crawler! And completely unbelievable.

Gay Willow. Didn't buy it for a second and really really really hated the imposition of that PCness onto the character.