Mock Trial: Ado, I Do, Adieu Transcript
May. 12th, 2012 06:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neadodsFor the purposes of not typing for the next 8 hours, I'm using initials/acronyms for names in the transcript. They are bolded below.
The Supreme Court of Messina:
Chief Justice: Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (SCOTUS) RBGins
Justice Samuel Alito (SCOTUS) ALITO
Justice Elena Kagan (SCOTUS) KAGAN
Judge Brett Kavanaugh (US Court of Appeals) KAV
Judge Douglas Ginsburg (former Chief Justice, US Court of Appeals) DGins
Judge Merrick Garland (US Court of Appeals for DC, former special asst. to the Atty General of the US) GARL
Judge David S. Tatel (US Court of Appeals for DC)
Counsel for Hero: Sanford Ain, cofounder Ain and Bank. HERO
Counsel for Count Claudio: Reid Weingarten, Steptoe & Johnson. CLDIO
TRIAL TRANSCRIPT:
I couldn't catch what RBGins said on the way in, but it made Kagan laugh.
CLDIO Opening Statement:
We have many issues but one is most important: to preserve this marriage which was not irretrievably broken. I come before you as a chaplain of love. As Justice Turner of Motown said, "Love is not a secondhand emotion." As Justice Lennon of Liverpool said, "All you need is love."
In truth, it was not an uncomplicated relationship. My client was the victim of a sting!
Opposing counsel will say [Claudio's] the worst blackguard. But consider: Leonato was taken in by the story and he said:
"Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one?
Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame?
O, one too much by thee! Why had I one?
Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?"
THIS WAS DAD!
This puts Claudio's behavior in context.
Now look at his contrition. He felt shame, he felt grief, he felt remorse.
UNATTRIBUTED QUOTE: He's from Florence. That's a cool town, it's got restaurants... [audience laughter]
RBGins: You are painting a pretty picture of love at first sight. But Claudio asked about sons; he only wooed Hero when he knew she was the only heir.
CLDIO: Hero engaged in all sorts of chicanery for one purpose - to get her Claudio back. All that to marry my client.
GARL: You want to make her stay married for her own good?
CLDIO: They're youngsters.
GARL: It's like forcing someone to eat their broccoli.
KAGAN: Off the record? How are Beatrice and Benedict doing? [wild audience laughter and applause]
CLDIO: (avoiding the question) Hero says my client is short tempered, rash, gullible, bad tempered and flirts. How many of your partners have similar qualities? We have no interest in destroying this marriage. Hero may have repeatedly ridiculed [Claudio's] ability to make money, but she didn't do it to emasculate him but to inspire him.
KAV (side note: my notes actually say "Babyface" for him): Your client is partying like GSA. Take it to Vegas.
CLDIO: Hero buys dresses to stimulate the economy.
My client was wounded in battle. He has a pre-existing condition! The court ordered my client, an injured soldier, to pay 30,000 florins in perpetuity. She is the daughter of a rich man, the 1%!
KAGAN: What does that buy?
[missed something about Hero working for a living]
ALITO: What work could Hero do? They've filled all the roles on Real Housewives of Messina.
UNATTRIBUTED: She's young, beautiful, shallow, duplicitous...
KAGAN: Kim Kardashian.
CLDIO: Politics.
RBGins: She's a ripe candidate for the study of law.
[CLDIO starts going on about how much money is in the Leonato family trust and previous unsuccessful efforts to get the trust to turn over financial records]
RBGins: If there's no alimony, there's no need to know the Trust amount.
[ALITO says something about bank secrecy laws.]
CLDIO: What's Leionarto going to leave his money to, a SuperPAC? She'll get it.
DGins: So your client wants to keep the dowry and not pay the alimony?
CLDIO: You're exactly right.
RBGins: Dad said "Take my daughter and my fortune." No daughter, no fortune.
KAGAN: Where do you find in the record the dowry was [notes unclear, looks like I wrote "indecent", which doesn't make sense]
CLDIO: It was a big record. A 4 day trial and Shakespeare wrote a lot.
ALITO: Why do you say Claudio was a soldier? He was attacking Sicily. He was an invader.
CLDIO: He fell in love with her.
RBGINS: After he knew how rich she was.
CLDIO: I must, however, point out that *she* took him back after the non-wedding.
KAV: Claudio needs to understand: she's not that into you.
[My notes are too scribbly to read, but boil down to RBGins and Kagan signalling/talking to each other]
CLDIO: Am I done?
RBGins: Yes.
HERO: [Makes a huge production of showing the audience the copy of the Cliffs Notes he's handing to opposing counsel before he begins]
So much to say, so little time. Counsel is not arguing the sanctity of marriage, but to protect his client from economic consequences. He wants to protect a marriage that was a sham. His actions were a disaster. His marriage was a disaster. He's a weak-minded gigolo.
That marriage was a battle of wits and Claudio came unarmed. He was easily manipulated by Don John. He reads my client's email and texts; she has no privacy.
[Something about Claudio falling on the mercy of the court.] Hero's father gave that dowry to two parties.
RBGins: This is a no-fault jurisdiction, but the marriage only lasted 3 months.
HERO: His cruelty is grounds for divorce. He left the conjugal bed. He's drinking cheap wine, smoking cigars…
GARL: Don't they have the Secret Service for that?
ALITO: Love is not love if it alters where alteration finds. We take it so seriously in Messina that we've altered the vows. "In sickness and in health, even to the edge of doom."
HERO: He took it beyond the edge of doom. He hasn't talked about love.
UNATTRIBUTED: He loves the dowry.
KAGAN: Off the record, how are Beatrice and Benedict doing? I want to know about them; I'm having a hard time caring about Claudio and Hero.
HERO: The dowry was a conditional gift.
GARL: [my notes, exactly: "extended health care metaphor"]
HERO: I'd love to talk about health care, but I don't have 3 days and 6 hours.
ALITO: I worked out what f30,000 is worth. If 1 florin has 3.5 grams of gold, she's getting $5.6 million a month!
CLDIO: And she is paying taxes of 15%, while my client is paying 30%!
HERO: If you calculate what it was worth at the time, she's getting $28 a month.
RBGins: It doesn't matter. She has a wealthy father. Why does she need alimony from an impecunious soldier?
HERO: Bare hope of property succession is [unreadable]
KAGAN: What does your client do all day?
UNATTRIBUTED: Her footmen take her to Loehmanns. [to Alito] Ask Justices Ginsburg and Kagan about it. [audience gasps/growls]
KAV: If the dowry is a contract, her father should have negotiated an annuity instead of a lump sum.
HERO: To give Claudio the dowry is unjust enrichment.
RBGins: It's a blatant [missed] of equal protection to not give the money back to Daddy.
HERO: [begins to cite South Carolina law of 1811]
GARL: You're citing foreign law?
ALITO: This marriage was long by celebrity standards.
HERO: Hero didn't think so.
KAGAN: Didn't she know he'd end up like this?
KAV: Did she *speak* with him before the marriage?
HERO: She was subservient…
RBGins: Subservient? When her dear friend was Beatrice?
HERO: Point.
ALITO: [begins to quote "Petruchio v Baptista"]
HERO: I represented Petruchio, so I'm biased.
Rebuttal phase:
CLDIO: I'd like to start by dealing directly with the accusation that my client was a golddigger. Leonato turned his daughter into his own undercover operation. It was deceitful!
RBGins: It was the friar's idea.
CLDIO: His too, and Beatrice, the harpy of harpies, the woman agitating for his death… Was this a real marriage? [waves the Cliff Notes] You will see a soldier falling in love at first sight.
[something about Claudio agreeing to marry Leonato's choice sight unseen]
CLDIO: How could you show more contrition?
RBGins: [something about heirs. And Claudio being dumb.]
CLDIO: There was no heir talk.
RBGins: There was a double heir. Leonato said [this bride] got his and Antionio's money.
GARL: Would you be happy if we just kept the marriage?
DGins: (objecting) Then he wouldn't have to pay alimony and he keeps the dowry.
The court recesses to deliberate.
While the court deliberated, the audience could vote (a blue token for Hero; a red for Claudio) and ask questions of a member of the Theater and the two counsels.
AUDIENCE Q&A:
Theater Guy: When Leander's bad temper…
AUDIENCE: (in unison, loudly) CLAUDIO!!
Theater Guy: Next question…
Q: Keeping the wedding gifts after only three months seems wrong. Shouldn't they be returned?
HERO: Once it's given, it's given.
Q: How did you [counsels] prepare?
CLDIO: I got a very able assistant. [Introduces young black man who'd been sitting at his table.] [Hero's counsel then introduces his assistant]
Q: It says in the case facts that Claudio isn't contesting the divorce, but that's all you've done.
HERO: It's the perfect argument because it distracts from the real issues.
Q: I wanted to vote purple. Hero gets the dowry back, but Claudio doesn't pay alimony.
Q: What would happen to Claudio's pension?
HERO: In real life, they'd split it.
Q: What's Loehmanns? (It's a discount women's clothing store. Many in the audience weren't locals; the family next to me was chatting animatedly in (I think) Russian before the show started.)
HERO: [Didn't say anything, but offered the mike to his female assistant, who waved it off.]
Q: Were the associate's hours billable time?
CLDIO: Pro bono, baby!
Q: If Claudio keeps the dowry and remarries, does he keep both dowries?
HERO: Excellent point. I wish I'd made it.
An usher brings in two ziplock bags of chips, one red, one blue and tries to weigh them on the scale of justice stage left.
VOICE FROM THE AUDIENCE: The scales are uneven!
Theater Guy: That's how we do it in Messina!
Many spill, and members of the audience object. However, any way you slice it, there were far more red than blue. M thinks some people voted red accidentally; someone in her row couldn't remember which chip went with which color, and the counsels calling "Red for Reid" weren't helping.
FINAL COURT DECISION:
RBGins: Three out of the four questions presented to the court had a unanimous verdict.
One: Is the marriage broken? We give a resounding yes to the divorce. We remind you of what the matchmaker said: she married not wisely or well, and men were deceivers ever.
Two: Should Hero get alimony? 2 justices dissented, but the majority agreed that Hero is not entitled to alimony from Claudio. She is young, the world is in front of her, she has no kids.
Three: Did the court err in quashing the subpoena on the Leonato Family Trust? Every lawyer knows this is a moot question without alimony.
Four: Is Hero entitled to the return of her dowry? We do appreciate that she is going to suffer consequences as she is definitely no longer a maiden. We affirm that she keeps the dowry.
The dissent was given by Garland.
We begin with the theory "What's love got to do with it?" We hear that Claudio was a cad who should be punished 5 million a month.
DGins: [my notes are too scribbled, but they boil down to Claudio owing alimony because] Her market value plummeted on the mere thought that she was not a virgin and now this is truly the case.
ALITO: I join with the court except for the part that "men were deceivers ever."
RBGins: [thanked the counsels and] Now it's time for champagne.
trial background
The Supreme Court of Messina:
Chief Justice: Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg (SCOTUS) RBGins
Justice Samuel Alito (SCOTUS) ALITO
Justice Elena Kagan (SCOTUS) KAGAN
Judge Brett Kavanaugh (US Court of Appeals) KAV
Judge Douglas Ginsburg (former Chief Justice, US Court of Appeals) DGins
Judge Merrick Garland (US Court of Appeals for DC, former special asst. to the Atty General of the US) GARL
Judge David S. Tatel (US Court of Appeals for DC)
Counsel for Hero: Sanford Ain, cofounder Ain and Bank. HERO
Counsel for Count Claudio: Reid Weingarten, Steptoe & Johnson. CLDIO
TRIAL TRANSCRIPT:
I couldn't catch what RBGins said on the way in, but it made Kagan laugh.
CLDIO Opening Statement:
We have many issues but one is most important: to preserve this marriage which was not irretrievably broken. I come before you as a chaplain of love. As Justice Turner of Motown said, "Love is not a secondhand emotion." As Justice Lennon of Liverpool said, "All you need is love."
In truth, it was not an uncomplicated relationship. My client was the victim of a sting!
Opposing counsel will say [Claudio's] the worst blackguard. But consider: Leonato was taken in by the story and he said:
"Do not live, Hero; do not ope thine eyes:
For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die,
Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames,
Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches,
Strike at thy life. Grieved I, I had but one?
Chid I for that at frugal nature's frame?
O, one too much by thee! Why had I one?
Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes?"
THIS WAS DAD!
This puts Claudio's behavior in context.
Now look at his contrition. He felt shame, he felt grief, he felt remorse.
UNATTRIBUTED QUOTE: He's from Florence. That's a cool town, it's got restaurants... [audience laughter]
RBGins: You are painting a pretty picture of love at first sight. But Claudio asked about sons; he only wooed Hero when he knew she was the only heir.
CLDIO: Hero engaged in all sorts of chicanery for one purpose - to get her Claudio back. All that to marry my client.
GARL: You want to make her stay married for her own good?
CLDIO: They're youngsters.
GARL: It's like forcing someone to eat their broccoli.
KAGAN: Off the record? How are Beatrice and Benedict doing? [wild audience laughter and applause]
CLDIO: (avoiding the question) Hero says my client is short tempered, rash, gullible, bad tempered and flirts. How many of your partners have similar qualities? We have no interest in destroying this marriage. Hero may have repeatedly ridiculed [Claudio's] ability to make money, but she didn't do it to emasculate him but to inspire him.
KAV (side note: my notes actually say "Babyface" for him): Your client is partying like GSA. Take it to Vegas.
CLDIO: Hero buys dresses to stimulate the economy.
My client was wounded in battle. He has a pre-existing condition! The court ordered my client, an injured soldier, to pay 30,000 florins in perpetuity. She is the daughter of a rich man, the 1%!
KAGAN: What does that buy?
[missed something about Hero working for a living]
ALITO: What work could Hero do? They've filled all the roles on Real Housewives of Messina.
UNATTRIBUTED: She's young, beautiful, shallow, duplicitous...
KAGAN: Kim Kardashian.
CLDIO: Politics.
RBGins: She's a ripe candidate for the study of law.
[CLDIO starts going on about how much money is in the Leonato family trust and previous unsuccessful efforts to get the trust to turn over financial records]
RBGins: If there's no alimony, there's no need to know the Trust amount.
[ALITO says something about bank secrecy laws.]
CLDIO: What's Leionarto going to leave his money to, a SuperPAC? She'll get it.
DGins: So your client wants to keep the dowry and not pay the alimony?
CLDIO: You're exactly right.
RBGins: Dad said "Take my daughter and my fortune." No daughter, no fortune.
KAGAN: Where do you find in the record the dowry was [notes unclear, looks like I wrote "indecent", which doesn't make sense]
CLDIO: It was a big record. A 4 day trial and Shakespeare wrote a lot.
ALITO: Why do you say Claudio was a soldier? He was attacking Sicily. He was an invader.
CLDIO: He fell in love with her.
RBGINS: After he knew how rich she was.
CLDIO: I must, however, point out that *she* took him back after the non-wedding.
KAV: Claudio needs to understand: she's not that into you.
[My notes are too scribbly to read, but boil down to RBGins and Kagan signalling/talking to each other]
CLDIO: Am I done?
RBGins: Yes.
HERO: [Makes a huge production of showing the audience the copy of the Cliffs Notes he's handing to opposing counsel before he begins]
So much to say, so little time. Counsel is not arguing the sanctity of marriage, but to protect his client from economic consequences. He wants to protect a marriage that was a sham. His actions were a disaster. His marriage was a disaster. He's a weak-minded gigolo.
That marriage was a battle of wits and Claudio came unarmed. He was easily manipulated by Don John. He reads my client's email and texts; she has no privacy.
[Something about Claudio falling on the mercy of the court.] Hero's father gave that dowry to two parties.
RBGins: This is a no-fault jurisdiction, but the marriage only lasted 3 months.
HERO: His cruelty is grounds for divorce. He left the conjugal bed. He's drinking cheap wine, smoking cigars…
GARL: Don't they have the Secret Service for that?
ALITO: Love is not love if it alters where alteration finds. We take it so seriously in Messina that we've altered the vows. "In sickness and in health, even to the edge of doom."
HERO: He took it beyond the edge of doom. He hasn't talked about love.
UNATTRIBUTED: He loves the dowry.
KAGAN: Off the record, how are Beatrice and Benedict doing? I want to know about them; I'm having a hard time caring about Claudio and Hero.
HERO: The dowry was a conditional gift.
GARL: [my notes, exactly: "extended health care metaphor"]
HERO: I'd love to talk about health care, but I don't have 3 days and 6 hours.
ALITO: I worked out what f30,000 is worth. If 1 florin has 3.5 grams of gold, she's getting $5.6 million a month!
CLDIO: And she is paying taxes of 15%, while my client is paying 30%!
HERO: If you calculate what it was worth at the time, she's getting $28 a month.
RBGins: It doesn't matter. She has a wealthy father. Why does she need alimony from an impecunious soldier?
HERO: Bare hope of property succession is [unreadable]
KAGAN: What does your client do all day?
UNATTRIBUTED: Her footmen take her to Loehmanns. [to Alito] Ask Justices Ginsburg and Kagan about it. [audience gasps/growls]
KAV: If the dowry is a contract, her father should have negotiated an annuity instead of a lump sum.
HERO: To give Claudio the dowry is unjust enrichment.
RBGins: It's a blatant [missed] of equal protection to not give the money back to Daddy.
HERO: [begins to cite South Carolina law of 1811]
GARL: You're citing foreign law?
ALITO: This marriage was long by celebrity standards.
HERO: Hero didn't think so.
KAGAN: Didn't she know he'd end up like this?
KAV: Did she *speak* with him before the marriage?
HERO: She was subservient…
RBGins: Subservient? When her dear friend was Beatrice?
HERO: Point.
ALITO: [begins to quote "Petruchio v Baptista"]
HERO: I represented Petruchio, so I'm biased.
Rebuttal phase:
CLDIO: I'd like to start by dealing directly with the accusation that my client was a golddigger. Leonato turned his daughter into his own undercover operation. It was deceitful!
RBGins: It was the friar's idea.
CLDIO: His too, and Beatrice, the harpy of harpies, the woman agitating for his death… Was this a real marriage? [waves the Cliff Notes] You will see a soldier falling in love at first sight.
[something about Claudio agreeing to marry Leonato's choice sight unseen]
CLDIO: How could you show more contrition?
RBGins: [something about heirs. And Claudio being dumb.]
CLDIO: There was no heir talk.
RBGins: There was a double heir. Leonato said [this bride] got his and Antionio's money.
GARL: Would you be happy if we just kept the marriage?
DGins: (objecting) Then he wouldn't have to pay alimony and he keeps the dowry.
The court recesses to deliberate.
While the court deliberated, the audience could vote (a blue token for Hero; a red for Claudio) and ask questions of a member of the Theater and the two counsels.
AUDIENCE Q&A:
Theater Guy: When Leander's bad temper…
AUDIENCE: (in unison, loudly) CLAUDIO!!
Theater Guy: Next question…
Q: Keeping the wedding gifts after only three months seems wrong. Shouldn't they be returned?
HERO: Once it's given, it's given.
Q: How did you [counsels] prepare?
CLDIO: I got a very able assistant. [Introduces young black man who'd been sitting at his table.] [Hero's counsel then introduces his assistant]
Q: It says in the case facts that Claudio isn't contesting the divorce, but that's all you've done.
HERO: It's the perfect argument because it distracts from the real issues.
Q: I wanted to vote purple. Hero gets the dowry back, but Claudio doesn't pay alimony.
Q: What would happen to Claudio's pension?
HERO: In real life, they'd split it.
Q: What's Loehmanns? (It's a discount women's clothing store. Many in the audience weren't locals; the family next to me was chatting animatedly in (I think) Russian before the show started.)
HERO: [Didn't say anything, but offered the mike to his female assistant, who waved it off.]
Q: Were the associate's hours billable time?
CLDIO: Pro bono, baby!
Q: If Claudio keeps the dowry and remarries, does he keep both dowries?
HERO: Excellent point. I wish I'd made it.
An usher brings in two ziplock bags of chips, one red, one blue and tries to weigh them on the scale of justice stage left.
VOICE FROM THE AUDIENCE: The scales are uneven!
Theater Guy: That's how we do it in Messina!
Many spill, and members of the audience object. However, any way you slice it, there were far more red than blue. M thinks some people voted red accidentally; someone in her row couldn't remember which chip went with which color, and the counsels calling "Red for Reid" weren't helping.
FINAL COURT DECISION:
RBGins: Three out of the four questions presented to the court had a unanimous verdict.
One: Is the marriage broken? We give a resounding yes to the divorce. We remind you of what the matchmaker said: she married not wisely or well, and men were deceivers ever.
Two: Should Hero get alimony? 2 justices dissented, but the majority agreed that Hero is not entitled to alimony from Claudio. She is young, the world is in front of her, she has no kids.
Three: Did the court err in quashing the subpoena on the Leonato Family Trust? Every lawyer knows this is a moot question without alimony.
Four: Is Hero entitled to the return of her dowry? We do appreciate that she is going to suffer consequences as she is definitely no longer a maiden. We affirm that she keeps the dowry.
The dissent was given by Garland.
We begin with the theory "What's love got to do with it?" We hear that Claudio was a cad who should be punished 5 million a month.
DGins: [my notes are too scribbled, but they boil down to Claudio owing alimony because] Her market value plummeted on the mere thought that she was not a virgin and now this is truly the case.
ALITO: I join with the court except for the part that "men were deceivers ever."
RBGins: [thanked the counsels and] Now it's time for champagne.
trial background
