It's about TIME!

The original, un"restored," unedited, Star Wars trilogy in all its original Han-shot-first glory will be released on DVD. The purchase window is only Sept 12 - Dec 31, 2006, so don't dither.

At last! Because George, sweetie... when it comes right down to it, I didn't want the movie the way you imagined it with a big budget and better effects. I wanted the movie that changed my life, flaws and all.

Dear Author

Dear Author,

When your book is only 185 pages long, it would be nice to have the plot start before page 125. It would also be nice if the murder happened long enough before the ending for your heroine to actually solve it... something I notice did NOT actually happen in this book, since you had to resort to having her rescued in the nick of time and then stick on an epilog about how nothing could be proven.

God forbid you backtrack and take out one precious word of the introspection and background description and scenery-setting in the previous hundred-odd pages to fix the problem!

Here's a hint, honey: have you noticed how all the blurbs on the back talk about "relationships" and "scenery"? That's because you didn't give us anything else. Encyclopedia Friggin' Brown has had more complex plots.

Honestly, woman, why are you writing mysteries? The "Fiction-General" shelves are just full to the brim of morose women thinking melancholically hopeful thoughts about their families and children while they do nothing but stare at the epic scenery. Those readers would eat this with a spoon. But for me - well if I wanted nothing but scenery and relationships, I'd be watching March of the Penguins.