Dilemma Du Jour

[neadods]

I only have email access at the moment, or I'd do this as a poll. As I can't, I hope enough people will respond while I try to figure out the dilemma du jour, which is whether to accept an invitation to tea in a different state or to pass and give my spot to someone else on the wait list.


PRO: I will enjoy it and enjoy the company; I've been to this tearoom before with the same group.

CON: Almost *4 hours of driving* just for a meal. One meal, albeit with friends. There's a lot I could/should be doing with that 4 hours (starting with getting the racism essay ready for beta.)

I want the tea, I don't want the drive, and I ought to give the hostess a clear answer while she has time to give reasonable notice to the wait list. Go or pass?

Comments

[orlacarey.livejournal.com]

Sorry to say skip it. Time driving sounds like it would exceed time at the event by too much

[neadods.livejournal.com]

That is one major inclination - the drive time is 2x the time there.

[jennetj.livejournal.com]

4 hours of driving each way?

If you will enjoy it, go. If you will feel guilty about spending the time, don't go. But if you decide to go, then you are forbidden to feel guilty about it.

Personally, given the month(s) you've had, I think you deserve a bit of frivolous, but that's just me.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

2 hours each way, for about 90 minutes of food.

But if you decide to go, then you are forbidden to feel guilty about it.

Mind if I apply this elsewhere? I haven't applied for a clinic shift this weekend, despite planning to, because I want to do something else with my Saturday morning. I'm surprised at how guilty I feel, even though the clinic needs me *every* Saturday and the market's a seasonal thing.

[jennetj.livejournal.com]

This should always be the rule. Whatever you decide, you have your reasons (and "I want to" is a totally legitimate reason). You can always second-guess yourself, and to feel guilty because you did one thing and not the other. You need to allow yourself the peace of your decisions.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

If I could do that, I wouldn't be in therapy at the moment... (And good luck finding that fingerling!)

[jennetj.livejournal.com]

Here's another thought: is there anything else in the area that you can combine with the trip to the tearoom? Say a yarn shop you don't usually get to (or maybe go FIND a yarn shop in the area)? That way you can say "I'm not just going for tea, I'm also going for off-white alpaca in a fingering weight" (why, yes, that is what I'm looking for at the moment, why do you ask?).

[tavella.livejournal.com]

Depends -- is it a group you want to keep in contact with? It's really sadly easy to drift away from people if you don't socialize with them regularly. If you have other venues you hang out with them, I wouldn't worry.

So I wouldn't drive 4 hours to just have tea, but I'd drive 4 hours to keep a happy social connection active.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

People from work, most of whom will also be driving at least 90 minutes each way. So I see them, or at least can email them (it's a spread-out company) but the food's *really* good.

Basically, instead of ladies who lunch, we're ladies who tea.

[stlscape.livejournal.com]

I'll just say ditto to jennetj's post, above.

And add:

Will you regret NOT going and NOT seeing your friends? If so, go.

If what you regret more than being with that group of friends is the time you could/should spend doing other things/chores, then stay home.

(We'll still love you no matter what choice you make. ;) )

[neadods.livejournal.com]

I honestly don't know what I'd prefer. It switches back and forth.

[lukadreaming.livejournal.com]

Is it four hours each way, or four hours in total?
Is there a train/coach you could catch so you could at least relax while you travel?
Is it a group you see often at other events, or is this a once-a-year meet-up?

I'm pondering the same problem, albeit for a weekend get-together. It's five hours on the train, or two hours on the train plus a four-hour car journey (if I get a lift part of the way) each way. It's a group I love seeing, but I see them at other times during the year. And my energy levels are low at the moment, so I reckon I may have to say no, just to conserve the energy I do have.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

In total, no, maybe 4x a year.

Energy levels are extremely important - I never have a good time if I make myself go somewhere out of obligation.

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

4 hours sounds a bit insane to me - but then I live on an island!

Do you have any betas lined up for the racism essay?

[neadods.livejournal.com]

It's 2 hours each way, if that helps. If I've got my distances right, I'm essentially considering driving between London and Cardiff just for tea.

I have a beta but I want more - want to be one?

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

Yes - this is what I consider insane. But being a Brit, I would - I know full well that Americans tend to consider that sort of thing relatively normal.

I would be honoured to, if you're willing.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Even by American standards, 2 hours just for a meal is a bit much. I mean, I'll go further in a day trip - I've done NYC from DC lots of times, and that's about 4 each way - but then it's a meal AND a show AND shopping. You get more return for the travel.

I'm more than willing. You're in. Now I just have to finish it and type it up...

[persiflage-1.livejournal.com]

True enough!!

Okay. I'll wait as patiently as I can!

[msp-hacker.livejournal.com]

If it's four hours total - two hours each way - I'd go. As a destresser if nothing else.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Except that the drive itself counts as stress...

[msp-hacker.livejournal.com]

Then don't go, whatever is the less stressful.

[signeh.livejournal.com]

I'd say go. You deserve as much fun as possible, after the year you've had.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

But is ~90 minutes of fun worth 4 hours on the road (2 each way)? On the other hand, I have so much new audio saved off for the trip to ChicagoTARDIS that I could listen to some the entire drive and still have new things for ChiT.

[redpanda13.livejournal.com]

I've heard the suggestion that in such cases you should flip a coin. Either you let the coin decide, or else while it's in the air you realize which way you're hoping it will land.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

When you are called on to make up your mind
And are hampered by not having any
The simplest way to solve the dilemma, you'll find
Is simply by spinning a penny.

No, not so that chance shall decide the affair
While you're passively standing there moping
The minute the penny is up in the air
You suddenly know what you're hoping.

-- Piet Hein