Dad Update
Nov. 13th, 2004 10:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neadodsDad's surgery is scheduled for December 8. It can take up to 6 hours, and he will be in the hospital for at least 7 days. Expect my LJ/email updates to get very spotty.
In the same phone call, Mother told me that Christmas was cancelled. She didn't use those words, but the effect was the same, and who can blame her? She's stressing over her husband, money is tight, and she doesn't need the time, hassle, or enforced jolliness laid on top of that. We're all going to come home, but there won't be a tree or decorations or presents or a feast; we're all just going to be happy Dad's there.
And I WILL be happy Dad's there with us, but I've been crying like a 3-year-old ever since.
Damnit, I feel screwed. I didn't get a birthday party because my father had just been diagnosed and my friends were scattered, and my parents wanted me home so the "celebration" was a strained affair in a cold house with a stale cupcake. I passed my last qualification at work - a difficult one that took months to complete, that some people fail, and which sets me up for life career-wise... and thanks to a reorganization and work policy, I don't get the raise for it until spring. I don't even know WHAT the raise is until spring. And now, no Christmas. Worse, a Christmas that will be a repeat of the cheerless birthday.
Dammnit! I usually throw myself into the season with a fervor that would make Dickens go "Whoa, take a prozac!" and while I am feeling equally stressed about Dad and about getting my resolutions list done and a thousand other little things, I figured the season would be delayed, but not denied. Damnit, that's when things were supposed to be OVER! Dad would be mending, the stress would be gone, time to, as they put it in Wicked, celebrate and rejoicify.
And even while I know I'm being selfish, damnit, that I should be thinking of my Dad and not me, and I DO love him, but - out of birthday, Christmas, and raise, can't I have just one? I haven't done anything wrong - hell, I've done a great deal right, this is the most organized year I think I've had in my life - and I feel like I'm being punished.
This sucks and I need more kleenax, damnit.
In the same phone call, Mother told me that Christmas was cancelled. She didn't use those words, but the effect was the same, and who can blame her? She's stressing over her husband, money is tight, and she doesn't need the time, hassle, or enforced jolliness laid on top of that. We're all going to come home, but there won't be a tree or decorations or presents or a feast; we're all just going to be happy Dad's there.
And I WILL be happy Dad's there with us, but I've been crying like a 3-year-old ever since.
Damnit, I feel screwed. I didn't get a birthday party because my father had just been diagnosed and my friends were scattered, and my parents wanted me home so the "celebration" was a strained affair in a cold house with a stale cupcake. I passed my last qualification at work - a difficult one that took months to complete, that some people fail, and which sets me up for life career-wise... and thanks to a reorganization and work policy, I don't get the raise for it until spring. I don't even know WHAT the raise is until spring. And now, no Christmas. Worse, a Christmas that will be a repeat of the cheerless birthday.
Dammnit! I usually throw myself into the season with a fervor that would make Dickens go "Whoa, take a prozac!" and while I am feeling equally stressed about Dad and about getting my resolutions list done and a thousand other little things, I figured the season would be delayed, but not denied. Damnit, that's when things were supposed to be OVER! Dad would be mending, the stress would be gone, time to, as they put it in Wicked, celebrate and rejoicify.
And even while I know I'm being selfish, damnit, that I should be thinking of my Dad and not me, and I DO love him, but - out of birthday, Christmas, and raise, can't I have just one? I haven't done anything wrong - hell, I've done a great deal right, this is the most organized year I think I've had in my life - and I feel like I'm being punished.
This sucks and I need more kleenax, damnit.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-11-13 12:07 pm (UTC)You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, dear.
no subject
Date: 2004-11-13 04:17 pm (UTC)Thanks, that means a lot. I may try to bring Christmas to the house...