neadods | Library Journal Gets Its Snark On

This is too hilarious to pass up on passing on: http://lj.libraryjournal.com/blogs/annoyedlibrarian/2013/12/30/religious-tests-for-library-supporters/

The Chicago Tribune vaguely covers it here, but the backstory, colloquially told, goes like this:

MORTON GROVE AMERICAN LEGION TO MORTON GROVE PARKS COMMISSION: How dare one of your board members not stand for the Pledge of Allegiance! It's unAmerican! We're going to withold the money we usually donate to you until this outrage is fixed!

MORTON GROVE PARKS COMMISSION: It's not actually a law that you have to stand. He's kinda making a protest.

MORTON GROVE AMERICAN LEGION: Kiss that 2+ grand goodbye!

HEMANT MEHTA OF THE FRIENDLY ATHEIST BLOG: Atheists Assemble! I bet we can whip up that money in no time!

BLOG READERS: Here's $3,000.

HEMANT TO MORTON GROVES PARKS COMMISSION: Here, have some replacement money.

MORTON GROVES PARKS COMMISSION: That's nice of you, but ~~we don't want money with atheist cooties on it~~ we're not interested in getting in the middle of a religious debate, 'k thanx.

HEMANT: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? We're not putting conditions like "must spit on Bible" with it.

MORTON GROVES PARKS COMMISSION: Still, no.

HEMANT: Okay readers, I'm going to punt. They don't want our money, I collected it under the auspices of benefitting Morton Grove, so let me see... how about the library? Libraries are good.

MORTON GROVE PUBLIC LIBRARY PR PERSON: You want to give us 3 what now? *drools gently into phone*

RELIGIOUS MORTON GROVE PUBLIC LIBRARY BOARD TREASURER: I. Am. Not. Touching. That. Check. That money has atheist cooties! If we accept it, we are accepting that unacceptable lifestyle!

ANOTHER BOARD MEMBER: FFS, it's money. We want money. And we *do* have a public wishlist of books we're trying to buy.

RELIGIOUS MORTON GROVE PUBLIC LIBRARY BOARD TREASURER: It's an anti-Christian hate group! He uses a picture of a sign with "666" on it! Someone left a really nasty comment there once! Imma call a vote to see who there are more of on the board, hell-bound mammon-worshipping heathens or right-thinking normal people who don't want atheist cooties.

MORTON GROVE PUBLIC LIBRARY BOARD VOTE: 2 "we want donations," 5 "atheists, ick"

HEMANT: You have got to be fucking kidding me. I did call in advance and everything. And that photo isn't my avatar, it was the illustration to an article about a cross country runner who dropped out rather than wear that number. You're a librarian and you don't have that much reading comprehension?

RELIGIOUS MORTON GROVE PUBLIC LIBRARY BOARD TREASURER: You're an evil person with atheist cooties. Shoo.

HEMANT: Well, readers, there has got to be a Morton Grove social charity that thinks everyone's money is equally useful.

NILES TOWNSHIP FOOD PANTRY: Hellllllloooooo! Don't let the name scare you, we totes serve Morton Grove too!

LIBRARY JOURNAL "ANNOYED LIBRARIAN" EDITORIALIST: Thank you, Morton Grove, for this snark material. But no thank you for being jerkwads. Love, Librarian who is *seriously* annoyed right now.