What price ego?

[neadods]

Once upon a time I was a competition costumer. I made it up to Craftsman status, which is as high as you can go in local competition, and I wanted my Master Costumer rank as badly as (some years, more than) my Masters degree.

But that was about 75 pounds and *cough* years ago. Last time I was at a Costume Con, I had just been accepted into grad school, and wandered vaguely around feeling like I was in a glass box watching everyone. I didn't even have any costumes that weekend - a time and place when changing 5 times a day is considered normal.

Toward the end of grad school, I joined the International Wenches' Guild. It was a whole new world of sewing - one where you didn't worry about people stealing your ideas or depend on the random kindness of judges for feedback or need to make backup tapes for your presentation or all that other hassle. You sewed, you wore, period. Furthermore, hefty women were considered just fine. Whee! My view of the IWG and its spinoff Team Wench as a halcyon haven of dramalessness after the years of competition costuming lasted about 18 naive months, but even now, I'm proud to be a member. Even at the heights of drama, y'all just got nothing on the crap that can fly through competition costuming.

More importantly for this post, I'm just as happy to think that I'll only ever design wench and pirate costumes for personal wear. It was stinging to realize that I probably won't make Master Costumer without riding someone's coattails, but it was liberating to realize that I wasn't planning on ever again spending 12 months and hundreds of dollars for something to be run once in the hopes of getting a title. It's not like I'll ever miss the general drama of competition, not as long as I run the Shore Leave masq, which has drama and effort enough of its own!

Thing is... with my life the way it's been, I haven't been sewing anything, much less full rennie costumes. Oh, one or two (which I've decided need work and may just donate to Prepare for Fair) but when I get the opportunity to buy something I want, I just up and buy it. For example, Chivalry Sports is having a sale right now, and I'm terribly tempted to pick up a rainbow of Irish dresses. Why not? They fit, they flatter, the colors suit my wardrobe, they should embroider up nicely, they're washable (mandatory at MDRF) and the price is right enough.

So why do I feel guilty? Why do I feel that because I used to compete I am somehow obligated to sew my entire rennie wardrobe from scratch? It's not like I'll never sew again. It's not like I'm not even planning on sewing again. So why can't I shut up the little voice that says I have to prove my past by vowing only to sew my own - even my own knockoffs - rather than just buy what I want when I see it and sew what I want when I don't?

Comments

[tchwrtr.livejournal.com]

Here's how I take care of it:

"If I buy this now, I can wear it now. If I make my own, I'll have to invest money and TIME in it. Can I afford that at this moment?"

Adding my time, my most valuable commodity these days, to the equation usually shuts that voice right up.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

It's that the time equation can't shut up the little voice that says I'm cheating by competition standards. Which I am, but I can't seem to get it through that little voice's head that I'm not competing!

BTW, PfF is going to get a bunch more stuff. I've decided that I don't like how the burgandy skirt and short chemise came out (the ones I wore to PF last year) so I'm tossing them in the pile for you and going to work on new ones for me. Just as my days of being a purist over competition are over, my days of drawstring skirts and no-elastic chemises are also over. I've decided that judicious use of elastic is MUCH more comfortable!

[jennetj.livejournal.com]

In the wise words of Neadods, quoting a sign she saw at a craft show: "Of course you can make it yourself. But will you?"

Sometimes the time is worth more then the $$ spent for ready-made.

And besides, if you embellish them with your own embroidery, then you'll still get the obligatory ego-boo--"Thanks, I bought the blank dress, but did the embroidery myself."

[neadods.livejournal.com]

"Of course you can make it yourself. But will you?"

I loved that sign. And it's very true.

Mind you, the embroidery is much the same dilemma until I learn how to digitize my own patterns. Until then, I'm either buying them or doing free downloads.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

This sounds to me like a manifestation of the Superwoman/Martha Stewart myth. Men are allowed to prioritize their lives, to say, "Well, I could mow the lawn, but I want to watch the game this afternoon instead, so I'll pay someone else to do it." Women are taught that as long as something is left undone that they could do, they are at fault. Sounds as though someone taught you, way back when, that paying someone else to do something you could do yourself was either wasteful or cheating.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

someone taught you, way back when, that paying someone else to do something you could do yourself was either wasteful or cheating.

Well, yes, because in the competition costuming world, using someone else's work without substantial changes IS cheating! Competing someone else's costume without crediting them is one of the lowest of the low actions, and in several venues, a mandatory disqualification.

I think that's what's coming back to bite my ass, the notion that being seen in something is taking "credit" for it. There was a time when even walking around was a form of competition, but I don't think anyone has handed out hall costume awards in a long, long time.

[jeff-morris.livejournal.com]

Archon hands out hall costume awards every year. As do the SLUTS (St. Louis Ubiquitous Tailoring Society).

I'd say buy it and wear it and stop feeling guilty about it. :)

JSM

[neadods.livejournal.com]

I'd say buy it and wear it and stop feeling guilty about it.

The first half I'm probably going to do, it's the second half that's surprisingly hard. Even though Starcat's right - in the renfaire venue, I'm surrounded by mostly people who buy-and-amend. Heck, a huge majority don't even amend.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Ah yes, that makes sense, then. So you need to retrain yourself to stop thinking in competition terms, and remind yourself that most of the other people in costume around you bought theirs, or at least the components, rather than making it from the ground up.

Suggested exercise: every time that little voice starts up, give it a metaphorical smackdown and repeat (out loud if necessary), "This is NOT a competition. I don't HAVE to have made everything from scratch. Wearing ready-made is JUST FINE." Then think about something else -- it helps to have a short list of distraction topics (fanfic?) ready to hand. It takes time, but this technique can actually retrain entrenched "internal tapes" to say something different.

[shawan-7.livejournal.com]

I basically like to make costumes, but always and inevitably, about half-way through sewing, a little voice whispers, "it's not competition quality", "it's not accurate and even if you think it's fun, you'll get slammed because it's not "from the movie"", etc. "Or you're just not good enough."

Nowadays, instead of straight re-creation, I want to add creativity and individuality. If it's a Star Wars costume, it will be my interpretation.

I can actually date when the phobia manifested clearly: a Costume Con in New Jersey when I did a Williamsberg gown, was shoved (by friends) up to get it judged as a hall costume, and basically snubbed and made feel worthless because I hadn't gotten the shoes right, and "What gave me the right to think I could costume?" This was the same convention where the woman who had woven the cloth for her underwear and clothing, won.

I just wanna have fun -- but only if I can put a stake through the heart of that little voice.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

but only if I can put a stake through the heart of that little voice.

Yeah. I remember that con - more accurately, I have flashes of memories.

[neutronjockey.livejournal.com]

... and I was wondering whom I would give this fabric I picked up in Singapore...probably a bad time to ask ;)
-=Jeff=-

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Oh, I still sew! As the overwhelming boxes of fabric in the basement prove!