Top 5 Fictional Characters Who Need to Be Punched in the Face

[neadods]

I don't think minervacat intended to start a meme, but comments from her post on "Top 5 fictional characters who need a punch in the face" are galloping along. Only one's hit metaquotes so far, but there's a lot of good stuff there.

So... who do YOU think needs one in the face (or in the 'nads, some of 'em)?

1 - Most of the cast of Gilmore Girls. A lot of the comments are singling out Jess, and yeah, it would be really satisfying to hear the squish as Mr. "I'm more cool & angsty than Holden Caulfield" gets run over by a car. But that doesn't mean that Rory doesn't deserve it for throwing her bright future away every chance she gets. Or Lorelai with her "I'm too sexy for everything, isn't my fast-talking, name-dropping snobbery cute?" attitude. Or Dean "I'll screw around on my wife and then blame my lover for my wife finding out." Or Taylor and Kirk for existing.

2 - Holden Caulfield. Want to see the biggest phony there is, dear? Look in a mirror. Then grow the fuck up. If you hadn't been the first foul-mouthed angsty teenager to make it to print, you'd have long since sunk into the anonymity you deserve.

3 - Heathcliff. You need Prozac. Lots and lots and lots of Prozac, followed by decades of therapy.

4 - Carrie Meeber. You're so stupid I'm surprised your brain has enough power to keep your lungs working. Undine Spragg kicks your literary ass.

5 - King Lear. Talk about stupid! If that's your idea of leading a country, you deserved to have your family turn on you and your land invaded. If you want unconditional fawning love, get a damn dog.

Comments

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

OMG Love! This meme is awesome. I'm totally with you on all but 4 and only because I don't know who that is.

Re: Holden . . . I HATED that book in high school and never got what the big deal was. Holden is an asshole who wanders around NYC for a while. End of story. WTF? I did that last weekend and didn't feel the need to write a book about it. I hope I wasn't an asshole, though =)

[vampry.livejournal.com]

Josh Lyman on "West Wing" needs his a** kicked, not just a fist in the face. He's blind and stupid and too focussed on the big picture so that he misses the little stuff.

And Clark Kent - Smallville? If I wouldn't break my hand, he needs to GET A CLUE about Lana for crying out loud. Sheesh.

Not sure who else at the moment.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

My list:

1. Holden. Die, you self-involved, shallow little whiner!

2. Ethan Frome: yeah, life is tough. Grow a pair. Either stop going "woe is me" or do something about it. Ugh.

3. Jackie on Veronica Mars. I hate your whiny little voice and your whiny little personality and just die already.

4. The hero and the heroine of "Sundial in the Grave" you are pervs, but you manage turn into that into BORING. Not to mention foul-mouthed, self-absorbed, moronic twits. Wow.

5. The two guys from "Y Tu Mama Tambien." I. Don't. Care. About. Your. Stupid. Horny. Problems. Watching the two of you interact makes me want to poke my own eyes out. Hate. Hate hate hate hate.

You know, this is therapeutic.

[nycdeb.livejournal.com]

Josh Lyman on "West Wing" needs his a** kicked, not just a fist in the face. He's blind and stupid and too focussed on the big picture so that he misses the little stuff.

Amen! Seriously - I've never understood where all the Josh love comes from - he's arrogant, often inarticulate and not nearly as smart as he (and apparently everyone else) thinks he is. And he walks funny.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Did you mope the whole time about how you'd get so much done if you didn't keep screwing yourself up and consider yourself superior to everyone you met?

Carrie Meeber's the title character of Sister Carrie. Undine Spragg is the heroine of The Custom of the Country, which I've always argued is the same book only with an intelligent heroine.

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

Did you mope the whole time about how you'd get so much done if you didn't keep screwing yourself up and consider yourself superior to everyone you met?

I tried, but it was too much work, and instead I decided to be cheery and buy sock yarn. =) I did consider myself to be superior to one moron in a yarn shop, though, so at least I tried.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Clark Kent on Smallville needs to get a brain, because the one he's got is pretty defective. Oh, for the days when angsty teen angst is out of fashion!

I'm so utterly loving Lois and Clark reruns - doubly so now that I've seen the next generation.

[vampry.livejournal.com]

I have to disagree on the "walks funny".

Sorry. ;)

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Hee!

I think the big deal about Holden was that he was the first literary angsty teenager. Since one can then argue that shows like One Tree Hill and Smallville are Salinger's fault because of this, I'm not sure it was worth the groundbreaking.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

You know, this is therapeutic.

Isn't it? You can see why the OP has 2 pages of comments and counting.

Maybe Ethan Frome needs to be in an angst-off with Archer Newland. First one to get suicidially depressed "wins."

(And THIS, boys and girls, is why the Wharton I like is Custom of the Country and "Xingu." Nobody whines. Nobody mopes. And the heroines are the kind of stylish cat that Lorelai Gilmore can only wistfully dream of being.)

[jennetj.livejournal.com]

Amen on Lear. But seriously, none of the daughters are any great shakes either, and lets not talk about the sons-in-law--or Gloucester and his two adoring sons (this is one of those idiot plots-there'd be no plot unless everyone was an idiot).

Leontes in Winter's Tale is a moron, too (slap, slap!) Hamlet's too self-involved, but to be fair, he has had some rough breaks.

Anakin Skywalker. Oh, shut up already! Life isn't perfect, get over it.

Louis in Interview with the Vampire and Angel. Nothing is more tedious than a whiny vampire.

Freddie Trumper (the American in "Chess"). Slap your inner moppet and get over yourself. You wanna know why Florence left you? Three words: Pity the Child.

Gee, this is fun!

[neadods.livejournal.com]

*How* could I forget Anakin? (Oh, right - I'm pretending the second trilogy doesn't exist.)

Gee, this is fun!

Innit? 5's almost too few to be able to narrow it down.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

#1 with a bullet: Nicholas whatsisface, the protagonist from the "Hope" mil-SF series. Four books, 40 years, a stellar career, and you're still bashing yourself for something you did when you were only 18? Can you say "No character growth whatsogoddamnever"? And let me tell you, if you think brooding teenage angst is bad in a teenager, it's an order of magnitude worse in a 50-year-old man.

Beyond that, as you say, it would take too much time to narrow it down.

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Undine Spragg is the heroine of The Custom of the Country,

THANK you. I read that for a course in college (in which, IIRC, my comment to the prof was "Wow, she makes Scarlett O'Hara look like an amateur, doesn't she?"). For the longest time I had it in my head that it was The Portrait of a Lady, which I read in the same course, only it wasn't. (In my slight defense, I think I had about four total days my senior year of college on which I wasn't on antibiotics. Stooopid sinuses.) So when that movie came out, I was terribly confused that it wasn't what I thought it was.

But I never have gotten around to looking up what Undine Spragg was from. I did remember her name, and how she came by it...

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

They all need to be punched on Gilmore Girls...except, strangely, Luke. And of course Max Medina, of sainted memory.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Portrait of a Lady? Undine was no lady!

I love Custom of the Country, it's my favorite Wharton novel. I'm stunned it hasn't been a movie, because it's so jucily nasty.

But if you look at it, it has many of the same tropes as Sister Carrie. The climbing. The young poor aristocrat ruined. The theft and flight. The suicide. Her occasional setbacks. (Even with the war, she does make Scarlett look like an amateur, you're right!)

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Max couldn't last because he was a decent human being.

So, who are your five?

5 TV characters

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

1. Lorelai Gilmore (especially early seasons)
2. Rodney McKay (oh, shut up! He'll be a better man for it afterwards)
3. Ralph Kramden (or Archie Bunker. Take your pick)
4. Anthony DiNuzzo (NCIS) He needs to be punched in the balls, actually.
5. Gregory House (House) Twice. He needs to be hit twice.

Re: 5 TV characters

[neadods.livejournal.com]

This meme is bringing out an awful lot of House hate.

Re: 5 TV characters

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Forgot to add Dr. Elizabeth Weir and River Tam.

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Portrait of a Lady? Undine was no lady!

Well, no, I was thinking of it as ironic.

Did I mention senior year = big blur? I should really read both books again...

[karenmiller.livejournal.com]

Sansa from Martin's Song of Ice and Fire. Loathsome little pill.

Mrs Tighe on BSG. Tighe is a problem, but he tries. She's just toxic *and* she deliberately fosters all his weak points.

I often didn't like Buffy very much, even though I love the series.

Goren from CSI Criminal Intent. Skin crawler, skin crawler! And completely unbelievable.

Gay Willow. Didn't buy it for a second and really really really hated the imposition of that PCness onto the character.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I could deal with Gay Willow as long as she was with Tara because the two actresses had some chemistry. There was less than nothing with Kennedy, who was so annoying I was disappointed she didn't get ripped limb from limb in the finale.