neadods: (freedomfromreligion)
[personal profile] neadods
This morning, I got a message pointing me at a blog called The Daddy Files. As the name suggests, it's a blog about father Aaron, his wife MJ, and his young son, and on the whole it seems to be of the "my kid did something adorable today" ilk.

Until recently, when they discovered that their second child was dying in utero, and the horrific realization that it could not, in any way, be helped. I don't like children much, but who could not be absolutely gutted by the lines Because a dad is supposed to protect his kids at all costs, yet my son or daughter is dying. What kind of daddy lets his baby die?

They decided to abort the nonviable fetus, to spare MJ more pain and physical complications of an in-utero death. This decision was not easily nor lightly made.

You KNOW what's coming next, don't you?

They had to run a gauntlet of protesters. There's no mention of escorts; it sounds like they had to thread through a group without any support, and it made her break down. Saving a baby? The "baby" was dying. Without knowing one solitary thing about her or why we were there, they inserted themselves directly into our nightmare and made it that much worse. So Aaron grabbed his cell phone camera and went out to exercise his own First Amendment rights. Several people in the comments sounded utterly shocked; frankly, it sounded like any Saturday in front of the quiet clinic to me. Sometimes boyfriends go down to talk to them; I've heard almost everything said word for word except for the bit about filming, and nobody called him Satan and said he'd burn in hell. Other than that, it could have been our clinic.

(By the way, I think it's page 3 of the comments where someone talks about one of the crisis pregnancy centers she went to that talked her out of aborting by promising her what she needed to stay off welfare - a place to stay and daycare for the baby while she worked. Only as soon as the baby was born, the person who made those promises literally could not be found, and nobody else knew anything about the arrangement. She and the infant end up in a homeless shelter.)

MJ speaks out. We were all taunted by these strangers who think they know what is best for us. How do perfect strangers know how we feel? As I entered the building I never had such hatred for those people. I wanted to go across the street and tell the ones who just yelled to me that I was killing my unborn child that it was the other way around. The baby was killing me. (We also find out the ending of the story of the video made in the previous post.)

Aaron memorializes his daughter Alexandra and decides that her brief flicker of life had meaning. Alex may never have seen the light of day, but it’s because of her I was able to shine a light on the bullying and fear-mongering being performed on “God’s behalf.”

And now that's a recurring issue on the blog. Appalling emails asking why stillbirthing a corpse months later is all that bad and his father's anti-protester article and comments on an HBO documentary about an abortion clinic and an anti-abortion crisis pregnancy center across the street from each other.


This is why I do it. Because no one has the right to decide, in advance and in abstentia, what happens to women. And no woman already in trouble should have to thread the gauntlet alone.

Date: 2010-08-12 03:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wendymr.livejournal.com
I wanted to go across the street and tell the ones who just yelled to me that I was killing my unborn child that it was the other way around. The baby was killing me.

And the completely sick thing about that is that some of those protesters would argue that the baby had a greater right to a chance at life than she did :(

Date: 2010-08-12 02:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
You really don't want to read the comments on some of those posts of his. Nobody's wished MJ dead, but several people are still arguing that she shouldn't have aborted regardless.

Date: 2010-08-13 01:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wendymr.livejournal.com
Oh, I can imagine. That kind of self-righteous, holier-than-thou unchristian bigot wouldn't care about MJ's right to life. Though I'd love to see what they'd do if it happened to them!

(icon refers to posters, not you!)

Date: 2010-08-13 02:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Though I'd love to see what they'd do if it happened to them!

The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion

Date: 2010-08-12 04:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] misscam.livejournal.com
I've never seen anti-abortion protesters. In Norway, that would just not happen, partly because abortions are had in normal hospitals, not specific clinics. (The other part is that there is no abortion debate in Norway and a large majority is pro-choice.) What the hell does targetting women who've just made a horrid choice accomplish apart from agrieving and potentially pissing them off? I mean seriously, if you want to get support for your cause, that's the worst way to do it.

Unless of course it's not about support, but using it as an excuse to harass people because you like it. And because you don't want to face that you're an asshat to want to do that, you mask it in some sort of "righteous cause".

There is nothing righteous about causing people hurt. Nothing.

Date: 2010-08-12 02:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
What the hell does targetting women who've just made a horrid choice accomplish apart from agrieving and potentially pissing them off?

As far as I can tell - and I'm hardly unbiased - it's the hope that one unwanted fetus can be "saved" by scaring off the woman from getting an abortion.

That nothing is known about the health of the fetus (or, for that matter, child abuse statistics) doesn't enter into the equation. Life, any life, including one doomed to end in hours=good.

I once had someone tell me with a straight face that it was better for someone I know to have been born to the life she led (which included pedophilic rape) than to be aborted. He even used the term "glorious" that she existed, even if she existed to have told me that *she* would have preferred to have never been born.

(This woman is now doing pretty well for herself, but when someone tells me "I would rather have been aborted than been born," I'm going to take their word for it.)

Date: 2010-08-12 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lordshiva.livejournal.com
All I can say is, I'm so glad you and people like you are there, helping us get through.

Date: 2010-08-12 02:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
I'm glad we could help.

Date: 2010-08-12 02:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamnonlinear.livejournal.com
Thank you for the reminder that I wanted to sign up for clinic escort training.

Date: 2010-08-12 02:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Please do - there are more clinics signing up and WACDTF needs people. The link's somewhere on the Orange Line tag (at work; can't take long to answer and can't surf LJ at all).

Date: 2010-08-12 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] webqatch.livejournal.com
The WACDTF Website has all of the contact info, though there are apparently *no* trainings currently scheduled (probably waiting for the school year to start up again).

Date: 2010-08-12 04:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Thank you for posting the link.

Date: 2010-08-12 05:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] tamnonlinear.livejournal.com
I've contacted them and might do one-on-one training sooner.

Date: 2010-08-13 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Excellent!

Date: 2010-08-12 02:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] belovedwarrior.livejournal.com
In my entire state, there is ONE woman's clinic and it's in my town. A local group here organizes a 40 days and 40 nights of prayer in front of the clinic. I drove past it yesterday (before I read your post) and saw about a dozen people standing outside, praying and protesting, and blocking the front entrance. How intimidating for a woman to have to work her way through the crowd to the door! I was tempted to waddle right up to them!

I am appalled at what Aaron and MJ had to experience. It isn't hard enough to deal with the loss of a child but they have protesters trying to blame them for it? Despicable.

Date: 2010-08-12 02:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Speaking from experience, the shouts are Pavlovian - anyone approaching the clinic is called to. I've been told not to kill my baby before I pull my vest on. Escorts have taken off their vests, gone to buy a drink, and been begged to "choose life" 5 minutes later as they walk back. Nurses are asked to come get brochures about their pregnancy.

I was tempted to waddle right up to them!

If there's no escort service there... well, how are your organizing skills?

40 Days/40 nights is a twice-a-year regular "thing" in protesting. Also several festivites at the end of January to mark Roe v Wade.

Date: 2010-08-12 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] belovedwarrior.livejournal.com
I just looked at our clinic's website (http://www.redriverwomensclinic.com) (which sorely needs redoing, imho) and it looks like we do have an escort service. Is that what you do?

I am trying to put myself in MJ's shoes. If I was told that my baby was dying and I needed an abortion to save my life.. and I walked into the clinic.. and someone begged me to "choose life" I would flip the hell out on them.

To be honest, I am not sure where exactly I fall on the pro-life and pro-choice debate because it is not black and white to me. But what I do believe is that no woman deserves to be harassed EVER for making a decision that she feels is best for her and that harassment makes me sick.

Also, when women miscarry, do they go to an abortion clinic for the procedures they need? Or is that done in the hospital? I was just thinking how doubly horrible it would be to need a d&c and having to walk through protesters that are screaming, "Choose life" at you.

When I was in college, there was a website going around where a guy photographed the license plates of cars outside the clinic and the women who entered. It was technically legal because they were parked on public property. Sickening, isn't it?

Date: 2010-08-12 08:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steviesun.livejournal.com
For me, pro choice is about the woman whose life is affected forever more having the choice to not have, or to have, a child. For me, being prochoice is about supporting women in the decision to be a mother or not. I simply can not see how it can be anything other than black and white. Women have a right to make such a major decision themselves and they have a right for there to be real options to choose between.

Date: 2010-08-13 12:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Women have a right to make such a major decision themselves and they have a right for there to be real options to choose between

THIS, THIS, THIS! Being pro-abortion doesn't mean not supporting women choosing to have children. It's not forcing women to go either way.

Date: 2010-08-12 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] belovedwarrior.livejournal.com
OH hey, I found out more info on the clinics facebook page. Sounds like they have protesters every Wednesday and they regularly ask for escort volunteers. I have to work during the clinic hours but I'll keep them on my radar and hopefully have a chance to help out in the future. :D

Date: 2010-08-13 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Sounds good!

Date: 2010-08-12 05:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starcat-jewel.livejournal.com
Are there enough pro-choice people in your area to organize a "Pledge-a-Picket" drive around the 40 Days Of Terrorism? That's been proven to be a good tactic to get forced-birthers to back off.

Date: 2010-08-12 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] belovedwarrior.livejournal.com
I didn't realize the 40 days/nights thing was so widespread. :( I thought it was juts a local movement.

Tell me more about this "Pledge-a-Picket" drive. I don't know anything about it. Thanks.

Date: 2010-08-12 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starcat-jewel.livejournal.com
It works like this: you get people to pledge X amount of donations to the clinic for every day of the protest. In this case, I'd set it up as a base amount (say, $0.25/day) plus an additional sum per protester (say, $0.05, or let people choose their own per-protester amount).

Then you make a sign to post prominently in the clinic's front window. It says, "Thank you, protesters, for helping us raise money" with one of those thermometer graphics showing how much money, and you update it every day. And at the end of the 40 Days, issue a press release describing the program and announcing how much money you brought in. You'll need some way to take a picture of the protesters each day, to use as your official count; and a certificate of appreciation for each donor, sent when you get the money, is a nice touch.

This drives the wingnuts fucking insane. NOW used it to raise money for Planned Parenthood off an anti-choice protest march in Nashville, and it completely killed the march in just 2 years. Publicizing the intent of such activities has caused Fr*d Ph*lps to change his mind about showing up to several events where he'd previously announced that he was going to be putting on his hate show. It's the absolutely perfect, unanswerable counter-tactic, because they can't face the idea that THEY are helping the people they hate.

Date: 2010-08-12 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] belovedwarrior.livejournal.com
That's brilliant! I love it! I am thinking of calling my clinic to see if they have a program like that in place. If so, I can pledge and if not, I can highly suggest they start one (and help with that movement). I am only hesitating because I have a lot on my plate right now and it's just bad timing for me. Especially since it seems that the 40 days/nights falls right over my maternity leave.

I love that it doesn't attack the protesters in any way but instead, turns a negative into a positive and helps out the clinic in the process. Fantastic!

Date: 2010-08-13 03:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starcat-jewel.livejournal.com
Exactly. It's a "judo attack" that turns an enemy's strength into a weakness. That's what makes it so effective.

Curious...

Date: 2010-08-13 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pangie.livejournal.com
Why censor the guy's name?

Re: Curious...

Date: 2010-08-13 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redpanda13.livejournal.com
Because he's obscene...?

Re: Curious...

Date: 2010-08-13 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Speak of the devil and he might appear...

Re: Curious...

Date: 2010-08-13 03:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] starcat-jewel.livejournal.com
Because he's been known to have minions ego-scan for critical mention of him online and then harass everyone associated with the site on which it appears. Nobody here needs that.

Re: Curious...

Date: 2010-08-13 03:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pangie.livejournal.com
After I had asked, I was trying to think of reasons, and that one did cross my mind. That's definitely a good reason. :)

Date: 2010-08-13 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
It's a Catholic church thing, originally tied to Lent but now at least twice a year.

Pledge a Picket works like this - you get people to pledge $x per protester and/or $y for how long a protester stays. And so the protesters start making money for the thing they're protesting.

The first time I heard of it, the people doing pledge a picket had a blackboard, saying "Thank you, protesters, you've made $z for us" and kept updating it.


MUCH better description above. If you can't to it right now... well, you'll have another chance at Lent or during Roe v Wade.
Edited Date: 2010-08-13 12:37 am (UTC)

Date: 2010-08-12 03:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redpanda13.livejournal.com
There are 5-6 countries that don't allow abortion for any reason, INCLUDING TO SAVE THE WOMAN'S LIFE. Family members, doctors, and nurses are supposed to just stand back and let both woman and fetus die so the self-righteous can feel smug.

So you don't want to spend your vacation money in Chile, Honduras, El Salvador, Nicaragua, or the Dominican Republic.

I have a feeling that other woman-hating governments have the same result, but these are the ones I know about.

Date: 2010-08-12 04:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Laws like that utterly boggle me, because two-for-one slaughter is so pro-life!

And yet there are still people pushing for just that here in America. Palin comes to mind, although she disingenously dodges the life and health issue and insists that it's "antifeminist" to allow abortion because it's "telling women they aren't strong enough to cope."

As opposed, of course, to the great feminism in making women's choices for them. I guess it's women's rights if one woman thinks she has the right to make that blanket decision - as always, in advance and in abstentia - for other women.

Date: 2010-08-12 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] faireraven.livejournal.com
Thank you, hon.

Date: 2010-08-13 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
Thank *you* - I'd've never known about this.

Date: 2010-08-12 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] steviesun.livejournal.com
He has a similar view to myself I believe. One I've aired in a comment on your journal before. That those who are pro-life and are the reason that a woman choses to have a child, then they are as responsbily for that child as the mother and father for the rest of that child's life.

This blog has brough tears to my eyes. When I see you again in real life - I owe you a drink for doing what you do.

Date: 2010-08-13 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
I always feel like a piker - we've only got one complete wingnut. I feel like I ought to do a turn at one of the other clinics to be deserving of appreciation.

Date: 2010-08-13 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redpanda13.livejournal.com
It occurs to me that if I show up some Saturday when I'm not working, and I'm not official, I could say whatever I wanted to Eeyore and not get you or the others in trouble... but then it wouldn't make a whoops' worth of difference anyway, because I'm not going to change her mind or get her to quit any more than she's going to change mine. Another occasion for the shirt that says "Despite the look on my face, you're still talking." And I can't guarantee I wouldn't try to hold her if she started charging or crowding people, and then I'd be liable for an assault charge. Nah, I'm just too glandular for the whole thing, but I'm glad that you've got a better rein on yourself.

Date: 2010-08-13 10:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neadods.livejournal.com
They tend to be quieter if someone is leading them in prayer...

Date: 2010-08-13 10:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] redpanda13.livejournal.com
I could do that, if it were Twain's "War Prayer" or the equivalent....

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