neadods | Open Letters to Unnamed Authors

Dear Author,

I didn't mind that your protagonist is good looking, rich, competent, smart, and effortlessly successful.

However, I do mind, intensely, that your protagonist thinks she is never wrong (even when she demonstrably is), manhandles people without even asking for compliance first, and has no flaws whatsoever. I mind even more intensely that absolutely every other person who meets her in the books agrees with her self-satisfied assements, and worships her perfection to the point of someone insisting she is a goddess.

Dear author, I am an atheist and you're hardly changing my mind. Kindly give your protagonist some flaws - REAL flaws, not "I have Deep Childhood Angst which I overcame with my ultimate coolness" - and do so quickly.

Otherwise I shall be forced to go to your signing at Malice next year and shove a printout of "Is Your Character a Mary Sue?" into your hands instead of a book, as a public service.

Signed,
Me

PS - Announcing out of the blue that sex will now commence is not romantic. Since it was on a first date and only the second time she had ever seen him, your beloved protagonist officially qualifies as a skank.

Dear Other Author,

Please read letter above. Now please realize that making your character nothing but a charming collection of flaws isn't that charming either. If you're going to call attention to how she makes a (wrong) choice every other page, you should dedicate your next book to Robert Frost.

Sincerely,
I used to like your series

ETA: Dear Third Author,

Regarding the line "She thought of all of [character's] little brothers and sisters who died in childbirth." I don't think that means what you think that means. Repeating it later doesn't fix the grammar.

Also, I know you do your research. You don't have to keep stopping the book to tell me that you did your research. Surprisingly, I do not actually need you to provide my sole education about the past. I'm fairly confident about stating that none of your other readers are actually basing any major reference papers on the research in your books either. So when your characters go to a store, we don't really need to hear all about who founded the store and why. Honest, your story will be just fine without it and we won't think less of you.

Signed,
The BA cum laude in history