Open Letters to Unnamed Authors

[neadods]

Dear Author,

I didn't mind that your protagonist is good looking, rich, competent, smart, and effortlessly successful.

However, I do mind, intensely, that your protagonist thinks she is never wrong (even when she demonstrably is), manhandles people without even asking for compliance first, and has no flaws whatsoever. I mind even more intensely that absolutely every other person who meets her in the books agrees with her self-satisfied assements, and worships her perfection to the point of someone insisting she is a goddess.

Dear author, I am an atheist and you're hardly changing my mind. Kindly give your protagonist some flaws - REAL flaws, not "I have Deep Childhood Angst which I overcame with my ultimate coolness" - and do so quickly.

Otherwise I shall be forced to go to your signing at Malice next year and shove a printout of "Is Your Character a Mary Sue?" into your hands instead of a book, as a public service.

Signed,
Me

PS - Announcing out of the blue that sex will now commence is not romantic. Since it was on a first date and only the second time she had ever seen him, your beloved protagonist officially qualifies as a skank.



Dear Other Author,

Please read letter above. Now please realize that making your character nothing but a charming collection of flaws isn't that charming either. If you're going to call attention to how she makes a (wrong) choice every other page, you should dedicate your next book to Robert Frost.

Sincerely,
I used to like your series



ETA: Dear Third Author,

Regarding the line "She thought of all of [character's] little brothers and sisters who died in childbirth." I don't think that means what you think that means. Repeating it later doesn't fix the grammar.

Also, I know you do your research. You don't have to keep stopping the book to tell me that you did your research. Surprisingly, I do not actually need you to provide my sole education about the past. I'm fairly confident about stating that none of your other readers are actually basing any major reference papers on the research in your books either. So when your characters go to a store, we don't really need to hear all about who founded the store and why. Honest, your story will be just fine without it and we won't think less of you.

Signed,
The BA cum laude in history

Comments

[chibiaingeal.livejournal.com]

I'd actually like to see "Is Your Character a Mary Sue? thing. Where can I find it?

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

You're probably not refering to J. D. Robb in the first letter, but "I have Deep Childhood Angst which I overcame with my ultimate coolness" could refer to so many protagonists. Even authors I like need to get over this already as shorthand for character development.

P. S. *snerk*

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Announcing out of the blue that sex will now commence is not romantic. Since it was on a first date and only the second time she had ever seen him, your beloved protagonist officially qualifies as a skank.

No, your beloved protagonist officially qualifies as a rapist. That's what it's called when the other person isn't given a chance to say no.

[shawan-7.livejournal.com]

Man, and I thought only Laurell K. Hamilton elicted this kind of reaction in you!

All this points up is the absolutely necessity of having intelligent GOOD editors who beat the snot -- uh, patiently explain -- why these characters are less than likely to attract return readers, and writers who 1) want to do better, and 2) are willing to listen.

Unless readers are really that dumb and don't want more or better. Then they deserve what they get.

(See, Nea -- all those years of grief you gave you, paid off. :) )

[maryannegruen.livejournal.com]

About the historical stuff....actually, there are readers who like that sort of educational stuff strung into a story. They don't care if the story gets put on hold for a bit. My husband is one of those. He positively loves it! The more they pile on, the better. And I know another lady as well who says those are the only kinds of books she likes to read. She works in the back office of Penguin now and previously for Random House, so she gets a lot of books and these are always the ones she pushes to other people.

My husband and this woman aren't alone on this either. I've heard others say something of the same thing on the subject. It's relative. It may stop the action dead for some. Others think it's what makes the book good, that they've come away with more than a story, they've gotten an education. Maybe it's the way their own minds work and they enjoy reading a story in the same style. Or maybe they suspect reading without learning is a waste of time. Or that it's a substitute for taking a class in history or whatever. I don't know. But readers like more than one style fits all.