Open Letters to Unnamed Authors

[neadods]

Dear Author,

I didn't mind that your protagonist is good looking, rich, competent, smart, and effortlessly successful.

However, I do mind, intensely, that your protagonist thinks she is never wrong (even when she demonstrably is), manhandles people without even asking for compliance first, and has no flaws whatsoever. I mind even more intensely that absolutely every other person who meets her in the books agrees with her self-satisfied assements, and worships her perfection to the point of someone insisting she is a goddess.

Dear author, I am an atheist and you're hardly changing my mind. Kindly give your protagonist some flaws - REAL flaws, not "I have Deep Childhood Angst which I overcame with my ultimate coolness" - and do so quickly.

Otherwise I shall be forced to go to your signing at Malice next year and shove a printout of "Is Your Character a Mary Sue?" into your hands instead of a book, as a public service.

Signed,
Me

PS - Announcing out of the blue that sex will now commence is not romantic. Since it was on a first date and only the second time she had ever seen him, your beloved protagonist officially qualifies as a skank.



Dear Other Author,

Please read letter above. Now please realize that making your character nothing but a charming collection of flaws isn't that charming either. If you're going to call attention to how she makes a (wrong) choice every other page, you should dedicate your next book to Robert Frost.

Sincerely,
I used to like your series



ETA: Dear Third Author,

Regarding the line "She thought of all of [character's] little brothers and sisters who died in childbirth." I don't think that means what you think that means. Repeating it later doesn't fix the grammar.

Also, I know you do your research. You don't have to keep stopping the book to tell me that you did your research. Surprisingly, I do not actually need you to provide my sole education about the past. I'm fairly confident about stating that none of your other readers are actually basing any major reference papers on the research in your books either. So when your characters go to a store, we don't really need to hear all about who founded the store and why. Honest, your story will be just fine without it and we won't think less of you.

Signed,
The BA cum laude in history

Comments

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Not only didn't she ask his opinion on the subject, he was there for dinner out of family obligation to her, so - yes.

However - and alas, I kid you not, the man is instantly besotted because She's Just That Wonderful and the next morning spends more than a little time doing the girly "did we have a fun night or do we have a relationship?" A question he finally outright asks and does not get a straight answer to.

I thought the first book with this protagonist had possibility. Now I want to see her smug ass see the business end of a paper shredder.

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

Who's the author? (so I'd avoid). As much as I dislike Christina Dodd-like men, I disliked the "chicks-with-dicks" ones even more.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

Technically, I can't tell you, sorry. I'm not supposed to talk about books I've reviewed until the review goes live.

Trust me, the minute Reviewing the Evidence puts it up, I'll let everyone know. (Pity I couldn't get away with the chick-with-dick line, it's all too appropriate. She acts like a man. A very callow man.)

[dangermousie.livejournal.com]

I'll let everyone know

Yay!

I am all for gender equality, but not in that fashion.

[neadods.livejournal.com]

I don't think I ever replied to this and they used a different review than mine - the Marysue Chick with a Dick to avoid that I discussed in the Dear Author letter was Phryne Fisher. I forget who the author is. Huge series in Australia, but I still want to whop the character upside the head with a mace.